Really I’m not. It’s somewhat of a family trait. We tend to socialise with family members for the most part. And to be honest, even that isn’t a regular thing although my siblings and I have made a concious effort to start a change. My mum was from a large family. She doesn’t see any of the ones who are left. We have cousins that we don’t see now because we never really saw when we were growing up.
When Roo was born I sat for an hour in a breastfeeding support group before I realised the women opposite me was my mums niece. And I only realised that when she mentioned her last name! Despite growing up in close proximity we never saw them.
Our family feels fractured. But I don’t want that for my kids and neither do my siblings. We made the decision to break that cycle and our children are close. We get together for family birthdays etc and whilst we still need to work on it, it’s a million times better then cousins not even recognising each other!
Anyway, loose justifications aside, I am not a sociable person. I can go weeks without seeing people other the my children or the odd shop worker or nursery teacher. It just doesn’t figure in my ‘must do’ list. I like sitting at home by myself. Or with the children. I just don’t crave human contact all that often.
This year I didn’t really go in for resolutions and big January gestures of change. All I wanted was for us to have a better year then 2012 and really, that’s not going to be hard! But the last week or so I’ve thought about things I’d like to change in my life. If 2013 is going to be better then I have to actively make it better. And one of the areas I’d like to work on is being less of a hermit.
I need to get out and meet more people. I need to make more of an effort with the friends I have and I need to actually accept “we should meet for coffee” means they probably would like that and aren’t just being polite…. I’m a waiter. In that I sit and wait for the invitations rather then ask. Because in many ways I’m not confident that they actually want to see me and in other ways, I’m happy by myself.
Bea is sociable however. She loves seeing friends and going places. She’s often at some sleepover or other and it’s through these families that I’ve seen what we’re lacking. When with them she’s always meeting up to eat here or go there with their friends. They are happy to add an extra girl to the mix and she loves it. It’s not surprising we can go 4-5 weeks of not seeing much of her at the weekend!
Roo however seems to take after me. He often says “I just want to stay home” If I mention we’re heading to the shop.But that’s probably because it’s his comfort zone due to how I’ve been. Especially after the whole homeless thing. But I’d love to change that now.
I don’t think we’ll ever be able to eat out with friends every week – we couldn’t afford it really but I will be making a concious effort from now on. I will arrange friends visiting or us seeing them. I will think about how I could make some more friends of my own (where do you even start with that!?) and I will try and change my hermit ways for the sake of my children! Not really a resolution. Just a new way of thinking.